Graduating Class of 2020

Philippians 4: 6–7 (NKJV)

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

What I’m about to share is embarrassing to my core, it’s the part of my life I sometimes wish never existed(I’m working on letting that thought process go) and also the hardest thing to share. I’ll be completely vulnerable when I share this, however it has been the best life learning experience to date. I feel the tears coming on even as I type each word. This post may not even be perfect and I may sound all over the place but it would be as real as it comes. That is the approach I am going to take. Real, raw and from the heart.

My name is Brianna Peters, Student Id# 811001334 and I pursued a BSc Accounting (Special). This was how all my letters to the dean of the Social Sciences department began and trust there were many letters. Just replace “pursued” to “currently pursuing” and it is the exact first line. I’ve recently graduated from the University of the West Indies, St. Augustine and I hold a pass degree. No big thrills with that word pass but I am beyond grateful. It took me 9 years to obtain this degree. Yup, I said NINE years give or take a two year break in between. From the age of 19 to 27, ya girl was trying to finish this degree.

I entered UWI September 2011 with big nerves, yet excited to begin this phase of life. At that time, I thought Accounting was what I wanted to study as I was great at it in forms 4 to upper six. So easy choice in picking Accounting as the 1st preference. Let’s just say within the 1st semester I wondered whether I made the right choice. In my naivety, I believed once I was accepted for this degree, I’d just have to move forward with it.

I started to fail courses from the 2nd semester of my first year. It was the weirdest feeling as I had never failed any subject before. Well, each semester I failed several courses, received “Required to Withdraws”, got them rescinded, started to develop a dislike for every accounting course and I eventually fell into a severe depressive state. That began with me simply missing a few classes here and there. It’s clear I was experiencing anxiety but at that time I did not have a word to help me understand what exactly the reason was. I was a part of the leadership team for Campus Crusade for Christ and I started to miss bible studies and Thursday meetings. Clearly, I did not want to be on campus and I had every excuse when it was my turn to lead worship or host the meetings.

The few missing classes turned into me missing almost all of my classes, staying in bed, having my room extremely dirty, not bathing or brushing teeth, not eating until the next morning and just disappearing from everything I was involved in. I would especially ignore calls from my best friend and parents. I lived on hall with my friends and they would not see me for days until I reappeared. It was easy to put on a fake smile and let my personality lie for me. As well as, I had several lies to cover up why I was missing in action. I even took different courses from my friends so they would not know I missed classes. You’re probably wondering, “Brianna why didn’t you just take the time off?” It’s probably hard to believe that I did not realize I was in a depression as in my mind, missing that one class was Ok(although I was missing all eh) and just wanting to sleep was ok. Also, it was shameful to have to admit that I was failing and I needed to take a break. I knew no one who had this experience as well as taking breaks from their degree. Hence, the reason I’m sharing this is to let you know that you can take the time off if needed. It’s OK! Nope, I would just continue to try to make it to the end. I remember missing a presentation by forcing myself to sleep because I was so anxious I would not be able to answer the lecturer’s questions.

In the 2nd semester of the 4th year, I started to open up to a few friends about how I was feeling. That was the beginning stages of stepping out of the depression. I still could not say that word but talking helped and I started to attend 3 courses, actually do the projects and passed them. Although, I was not finished with the degree, I still moved back home and made it look like I simply had one extra semester which meant a fifth year. I began working as a teacher’s aide through OJT. Thus, it was hard to attend classes because of the limited time off for studies. Although, I tried to make it work, ultimately, I still failed. The next semester I received my final RTW and it was official, I had to leave for one year and no letter could help me. Although heavily disappointed, I was a bit relieved to have a break and not be on anxiety level 10.

After the 1st year, I decided I would never go back to complete it. Even though someone prophesied to me I would complete it (she did it so random btw, not any typical setting to receive that), I simply laughed at her and said NOPE not going back. The view I had off myself was that I’m completely dumb, intelligence and I do not go together so why bother. It’s 2018 and two years have passed. I can’t say this any other way, but the Lord wanted me to finish my degree. I did not hear a big booming voice, “you need to finish your degree.” It was simply all my thoughts were towards completing it and I had a strong desire to do so which I say firmly, NEVER existed before. I simply believe the Lord was leading me to take this next step. I reapplied to enter into UWI and it was like form 6 again, waiting to see if they accepted my application. But ya know ya girl still applied for a job in the UN and got all the way to the final interview and messed it up. It was clear I was not getting the job but who got back into UWI. Brianna. It was clear this was the path carved out for me.

Even though there were seven courses remaining to complete the degree, the shelf life of five years had already passed for the completed year 1 and year 2 courses, which meant that I would have to re sit such courses. However, Mrs. Mohammed a lecturer now Head of Department, vouched on my behalf and the Social Sciences board permitted me to begin the degree where I left off. I was completely overwhelmed and grateful to be given such a rare opportunity. After the 1st semester of the 2018–2019 academic year, I received a B+, B and B-, which moved the GPA from 1.31 to 1.44.(Pace to move that) I recognized that I only had four courses to complete within semester 2 and there was a strong possibility that I would not reach the minimum GPA requirements for a pass degree of 2.0. I voiced my concerns to Mrs. Mohammed, who informed me that even though I may not meet the aforementioned requirements, my case can be presented before the board, in which I could be granted a pass degree as I would have satisfied the 90 credits requirement. At that time, we felt confident that this would be my case, therefore, we felt no need to pursue additional courses beyond the seven needed.

After the 2nd semester, I received an A-, B+, B+, B-, which moved the GPA from 1.44 to 1.62. Thus, Mrs. Mohammed met with the faculty board in September where they decided that my GPA of 1.62 was not satisfactory to permit me to graduate, even though I have fulfilled the 90 credits requirement. They decided that I must reach 1.85 to be deemed worthy to graduate. Therefore, I must pursue additional extra credit courses. This information was a shock to both of us as Mrs. Mohammed was not advised, as per usual, to inform me to do additional courses in the summer which may have allowed me to graduate in October 2019. Instead, this news was given close to the end of academic registration in September 2019. Just to note, my cousin was murdered two weeks prior to this news so I felt overwhelmed with both situations and decided to take a leave of absence in that 1st semester of the 2019–2020 academic year. In addition, I did know how many courses I’d need to complete to raise GPA to 1.85 but was told I should get As or A+s. Initially, with this setback, I was not going to continue as I had celebrated the completion of degree with family and friends and felt embarrassed. I’d be completely honest and say that I had some gratification by completing the degree before my brothers did theirs. As the eldest sibling, my sister had already completed her degree and began her masters and my brothers had 1 more year. Therefore, receiving this news tapped on the doors of my pride. However, I decided I would do three additional courses.

In the following semester I completed one course in which I got an “A” and within the summer I received an “A-&C” unfortunately, which moved the GPA from 1.62 to 1.72. After learning that an A moves a GPA by .05, I realized that even with three As or A+s I would have reached to 1.77 or 1.8 maximum. I say all that to paint the picture that after all this, there was a possibility that I would have to do another semester or even a year. GUYS, I was already disappointed, but the anger and frustration grew to the maximums of maximums. Like GOD, I followed your direction, you told me I would finish and be successful, WHY? WHY am I still here. This was my attitude and response in this last year. I even screamed at my father, who was encouraging me, “I do not want to endure anymore! I am tired of enduring.” I laugh now because my father has been enduring for the past 15+ years as a paraplegic desiring to walk again and I just had a lil extra year of waiting. Lol sigh.

Kelline from @promisejarsbyKell was releasing a gratitude manual and asked me to read it to ensure her followers could access the manual and follow along. Clearly, the Lord was at work to change my perspective because that manual mashed up my attitude. From there I read the scripture I wrote up top. (I could use aforementioned but nah lol) Philippians 4: 6–7(NKJV) Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. That word thanksgiving, why would Paul put that there? Why amid my situations must I be thankful? “….. if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” Philippians 4:8 (ESV) I was learning that this was a practical way to no longer dwell on the trying situation. Being thankful during such, changes your perspective and is the tool to endure. I had so much to be thankful for! I consider it a great privilege to be allowed into the system to complete this degree. Coming back to school was met with great anxiety as it reminded me that I failed constantly, even failing the same courses three times. I believe I developed the courage, strength and determination to overcome my fears, gained solid help from Mrs. Mohammed and was blessed with a group of girls who I did not know before to manage group work in 5/7 courses. What I thought would have been the worst year, turned out to be the best year in my tertiary level education. I know I worked hard and did better than I have ever done since pursuing this degree. I no longer consider myself less intelligent than everyone around me.

I was asked to do a devotional on my current job and I shared this study and in the midst of my disappointment, I simply said, “I would do the other year if they reject my final appeal to graduate.” I knew the Lord would give me the strength and mindset to continue. I emailed my appeal letter to the dean and moved on. So much so, that I did not even check my email for responses. Apparently, I got a response the next day, but Mrs. Mohammed messaged me at 12:33 AM on September 25th, “Great news, you are graduating.” Guys, I was bathing and I ran out the bathroom screaming! (Sorry lol) I could not believe it, I could not believe it, I could not believe it and then I believed it. (tearing up right now) It was as if the Lord was waiting on me to have a different perspective or attitude towards this other year. This was a boldface miracle.

I am officially a holder of a BSc Accounting (Special), Pass Degree and I am just simply THANKFUL. I pray that my experience of enduring has caused you to reflect in the midst of your challenging times. I encourage you to not be anxious but pray and have an attitude of thankfulness. Examine and see the tiniest thing you could be grateful for or offer praises for and allow it to change your perspective as you meditate or think on it. And as the scriptures in Philippians 4 go on to say, “Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

Love,

Brianna. ❤